


i wouldn't leave you, i would hold you when the last day comes

by tragickenobi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Conflict, Lots of Angst, Multi, Speculation, The Force Awakens, Theories, major major angst, read w tissues beside u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4889065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tragickenobi/pseuds/tragickenobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>luke goes to kill kylo. han goes to save them both. death happens anyway</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wouldn't leave you, i would hold you when the last day comes

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i wrote this based on some tfa speculation and this is total fiction and i'm not involved with any lucasfilms things at all this is purely fan made and i hope this is enjoyable to read??
> 
> psa that in this kylo and rey are the twins of han and leia :D

The fight should’ve ended when Kylo was disarmed.

 

They had started out near Luke's ship- since he'd been attacked almost out of the gate; at least finally successfully tracking Kylo down to a planet. That had been the hard technical part of this plan- and by the time they were worked to their current position, Luke was more than ready to end it.

 

Maybe later he'd admire what a good fighter he was. And the lightsaber design he seriously could've used multiple times in the past (true in looking almost impractical at first, but it was managing to make striking a blow far more difficult). Luke felt he was only keeping pace because he could predict everything Kylo was about to do. His thoughts were unguarded and brash; Luke didn’t have to think much outside his comfort zone to mirror and block against him.

 

The planet itself was murky and dark. Like Dagobah minus the swamps. A light frost covered everything, and snow fell from clear skies. Luke pondered that before blocking a jab towards his left. Their dueling got tighter the more they pressed into the trees, which sometimes broke out into clearings with brown, dried grass and more frost. Despite that he didn’t feel cold in the slightest. _Planet-specific anomaly_ , he decided, only barely missing a hit.

 

They broke against the edge of another clearing when Luke managed to graze Kylo’s shoulder, leaving the dark fabric smoking and tattered. The young man stumbled back, keeping his saber up in both hands in defense. Luke held his with one hand, waiting for him to make the next move. Though still masked, it was still as easy as ever to concentrate on his slight panic.

 

 _Make a move_ , Luke thought, grip tightening and loosening rhythmically as he shifted from foot to foot and inching forward as Kylo inched back. He wasn't expecting a sudden turn, and then Kylo was running. Lightsaber turned off and all. Luke hesitated for a second, because it had been some time since anyone had run from him and not meant it as a trap to follow. Luke momentarily powered down his own saber, extending his hand over an almost gone Kylo and yanking back.

 

Of course immediately he was snagged backwards, being ripped from almost the cover of trees onto his back in the middle of the clearing. Luke kept his fist closed, holding Kylo down as he walked over. Kylo's lightsaber had been knocked out of his grasp, making an indent against the dry grass just a few inches from him. Luke activated his lightsaber again, the green glow illuminating the plane.

 

Once towering over him, Luke put his foot down on his chest. Kylo grunted, attempting to move him off until Luke held the the tip of his lightsaber against his neck. They waited in a suspended animation of sorts until Luke waved his other hand and dismantled the mask. It opened and fell away to his face easily.

 

Luke studied him, pressed into the grass and face tinted with the green light. He'd be lying if he said the young man didn't have striking resemblances to his father. A firm jawline and what were probably features that made him look naturally very cross. Then there were his eyes. Like Leia’s if the contained rage had been let loose without any intention of going back under control. Pure anger, what was probably pure hatred. Kylo stared right back at him, the look giving across a very clear _the moment I get up, I will kill you_.

 

Yet despite that, behind that and behind the bloody nose and split lip the boy was now sporting (a result of being pulled back with the Force so roughly, more than likely), Luke could almost sense some of the boy he'd watched grow up. Just an echo of his nephew. The rest of him that looked too soft to be behind such a monstrous mask. But those were pitiful drops in that hurricane of hatred behind his eyes. Luke wasn't going to back down after all his work.

 

Except he _was_ stopped. Just as he exhaled- mostly to give himself just a moment gather himself and just barely ponder how he was going to deal with the consequences of doing it- he felt the shift of presence in the air. He wasn't taken off guard by the yell.

 

"Luke!"

 

More than anything, he felt inconvenienced.

 

He didn't need to look. For one, it'd had given Kylo a chance to strike him down or twist away. Luke was smarter than that now. Probably.

 

"Han-"

 

"We agreed we'd capture and bring him in alive." Han wasn't close enough yet for Luke to be concerned.

 

"You know I don't kill anyone unless I have a reason to."

 

"Even when you have a reason you don't. Luke-"

 

Luke's head finally turned his direction, more out of itch to see the face than common sense. Han was standing at the edge of the clearing, hands at his sides and maybe just a bit too close to the blaster. And it took all of two seconds for the sound of an activation to alert Luke back to the matters pressed under his foot. He swung himself back around and blocked Kylo's slash, their sabers sparking harshly. The angle was awkward enough for Luke to have the advantage. Combined with pressing his heel down harder into his chest, it was only a matter of seconds before Kylo dropped his saber, gasping for breath. Luke relented the pressure only a little. He kept the tip of his blade close to the neck, Force-pulling the other lightsaber into his other hand and throwing it off far into the distance.

 

Again he looked over to his left. Han was closer still. And it turned out he wasn't alone- Luke had to have missed sensing them, somehow. Leia had appeared from nowhere to Han's side, and Rey stood back further, almost hidden by the trees. Luke looked over each of them individually. Then back again at Kylo, who had the back of his head pressed into the ground in his struggle to breathe normally. Luke didn't grant him any further kindness.

 

"I've spent too long witnessing what he's done to let him go." Luke slanted his gaze again so he wasn’t really watching any person directly, catching Han barely inching closer. "Our job has been to protect the _people_. Not the _person_."

 

This time it was Leia that spoke. "Won't taking him in and trying to help him better protect?"

 

Luke looked over at them again. Feeling the desperation leaking into their stance and into Leia's unguarded mind. The more he focused on it the more sick to his stomach he felt. He turned back to Kylo, still eyes closed. Though the pained look on his face read more like resignation. _Get it over with_ , Luke took a breath, readjusting his grip.

 

Han started to move towards him in an almost run. Luke put his hand out and froze him in his tracks. Again having to look back up, he made eye contact with Han. The man stared in frustration at the wall created in front of him. If it were anyone else in Luke's position, he'd have shot him down already. Instead, Han took a few steps back. Leia met him with her arm reassuringly on his side.

 

"Take Rey back to the ship." Han whispered, keeping his eyes locked on the scene in front of him. "Take the secondary ship back to base of you need to. I’m going to come back with at least one of them."

 

Leia looked up at him. "Are you sure?"

 

A ghost of a smile pressed his face. "Of course I am."

 

Leia kept on him, then on Luke, still looking between them and Kylo. He wouldn't do anything with them still there. That certainly made her more hesitant to leave, but her shoulders were already pulled back in resignation. She held his gaze for only a few seconds, then walking and met with Rey at the edge, putting her hand on her back and pushing her forward.

 

"I thought we were going to help?" Rey planted her feet down, staring at her mother in confusion.

 

"You are." Leia insistently pulled her along. "You're staying in the main ship. If your father doesn't come after a few minutes, you have my full permission to intervene. Get everyone you can home safe. I'll be at the base. Any outcome is going to cause trouble, I need to prepare everyone for anything."

 

Luke's mind was shielded. He'd grown amazingly good at it over the years. But a Force bond was one thing; twin's bond was another.

 

 _Remember what you considered Anakin. How you felt the good in him and the lengths you went to to bring him back. Don't do now what you wouldn't then_.

 

Luke tightened his grip on the hilt, trying to push her out to no avail. Leia's thoughts were bouncing around the inside of his head long after she'd stopped projecting. While Han waited anxiously in place, trying to think of _anything_ he could say to say to him.

 

Considering his position, Luke should've felt more in control than he did. He stared down at Kylo again. _Don't do now what you wouldn't then_. Then and now were different and similar in their own ways. What mattered was how likely the good in the young man below would prevail. If it was too far gone. And what made this harder now was that they all had genuine connections to him. Neither of the three could name more than a handful of good things Anakin had done as Vader. As for Kylo, they had his entire childhood fresh in their memory. The way he'd grown up idolizing his parents and uncle for the heroes they'd become. How he'd spent hours as a teenager with Luke learning about his heritage, about the Force and how his world could work if he followed in his footsteps. If he had ever seen the good potential in anyone, it had been in this boy.

 

But Luke also remembered the day Kylo found out about his relation to Vader. Stole a ship a few weeks later and came back with a burnt skeleton of a helmet Luke had almost forgotten was just... out there. He hadn't understood why they never spoke of Vader before- “he's the reason you're alive, you should owe him at least one mention to his grandson!”- and it had begun the isolation. Kept stealing ships until one day he never intended to come back and never did. Luke remembered when he'd told Han that _your son is as good as dead, all there is now is Kylo Ren_ , and that Han had struck him for saying such a thing. The chaos every single person had gone through as a result of the loss. His old name was poison to speak, as now was his presence, clearly.

 

There was too much weighing either side. Luke could've spent all day sifting through it. Han's gaze was burning on him. He dropped his hand that held him back, though neither of them moved further.

 

"Luke," Han's voice was softer, though not any more calm. "what makes him unsalvageable- to us as a group, to _you_?"

 

Luke wouldn't look up. "You don't understand and wouldn't even if I tried to explain."

 

"Kid, I've flown you around the galaxy and back again and seen everything in between. I think I can try."

 

The silence dug into them like claws. They couldn't explain their sides any differently now than they had before. Luke tightened his grip. _Do it or don’t do it, just do something_.

 

It was because _that's two you owe me, junior_ that the internal conflict held reasonable ground against Luke's original plan.

 

 _I'm going to move my foot_. Luke aimed his thoughts suddenly at Kylo, knowing he'd gotten across when his eyes opened and stared uncertainly at the man over him. _You will have one minute to get as far away as possible. Otherwise I will kill you, regardless of who is around_.

 

Luke let his thoughts resonate for a moment, let the boy make his choice. He hoped he was hiding his inner thoughts well enough. That he knew he'd never kill him with Han right here. Wouldn't have with Leia either, Rey either. The more he let the idea truly settle, there was the doubt if it had remained one on one and they remained alone, could he have done it?

 

He moved his foot off and onto the ground. Kylo was swift to scramble to his feet, uncertainly sizing him up. Like he wasn't sure how he was still breathing but he wasn't about to take this chance for granted. He backed up many steps before sticking his hand to the side. His lightsaber flew back to his grasp. Luke watched him with daggers for a gaze, bitterly deciding _fine; just go_. Kylo shot a look towards his father, wiping away the dripping blood from his nose onto his gloved hand. Han stared at him with longing Luke recognized. The look that read come back to me. One that wasn't returned. Kylo turned on heel and bolted fast as ever into the trees. Luke didn't deactivate his saber until his presence was far enough away to be considered safe.

 

Han was slow to approach his friend. Luke took a heavy breath, letting the weight of the battle and the weight of that decision settle into his shoulders. He put his saber back in its hold, catching glimpses of the tears in his clothes. He could feel the stinging nicks on his face start to finally settle into numbness. The dismantled helmet still laid at his feet. The sight of it made his stomach turn in on him, for reasons that didn't make sense. Like he'd ripped the boy back into reality and then left him to drown and fend for himself. Emotions that didn't make sense in this context. He'd come there with the intention of killing Kylo; letting him live should've felt like the best of divine intervention.

 

"Are you alright?" Han was beside him, a tentative hand on his arm.

 

Luke took a long breath, scanning for Kylo's presence. Wherever he was, he was already far enough for him to pick up nothing. _Smart kid_. "I'll be fine."

 

Jagged silence reigned. Luke could almost feel cold, looking at the way the frost was already climbing back over the footprints that were running the opposite direction.

 

"I should've talked with you and Leia." Luke admitted, "Going after him alone was stupid and reckless. I'm sorry."

 

Han cracked a smile that almost made him believe none of what had just transpired mattered. "We'll find him soon enough. Get everyone back on track, won't even matter before we know it."

 

He tugged him back in the direction of their ships, and Luke followed with some slight growing optimism. The lack of presence kept him less on edge. Someone so inexperienced being unable to hide himself so entirely from him, of course.

 

"If it means anything, using your method we should be able to find him a lot faster again." Han called back at him, ahead to scout their way back. " _Hell'of_ alot faster then how we were doing it."

 

Luke cracked a grin. "Part of the reason I was doing it on my own to begin with! The way everyone was working we'd all be dead by the time we got close."

 

They walked back to where Luke had landed his ship, where apparently the others had landed theirs as well. The Falcon, specifically, and, God, if that wasn't a good sight to see every time. Rey was sat on the end of the entry ramp, staff propped across her legs. Once Han was in view she jumped to her feet, looking around him to see if he was the only one. Luke felt her tension drop once she recognized them both together.

 

An outside tension suddenly ducked in. Luke froze, looking back over his shoulder. The trees cast a dark shadow.

 

Han checked back at Luke, still stopped and still stiff with tension.. He was glancing around the forest, halfway standing up the slope that capped off right where the clearing started. "Y'alright? Hurt?"

 

Luke looked at him. "Oh, no, just- making sure we're safe. Suddenly this feels all too clean a getaway."

 

At that, Han looked around with shared nervousness.

 

"Go with Rey, I'll be right up." Luke danced his fingers against the blunt of the hilt of his saber.

 

"No, I'll help."

 

Luke stopped him with a hand. "It's a five second perimeter sweep at most. Go in. Make sure the ship won’t blow us all up because of a faulty bolt.”

 

Han whacked him in the back of the head, smiling, and climbing back up the slope towards the ship. Luke's own smile faded, checking around the area. He'd caught a glimpse of feeling of Kylo again- a split second, a flicker, but it was there nonetheless. He was sure it was him. And close too. He walked around the slant, looking as far as he could see. The ways the trees bent and twisted together made it difficult. Of course the Force made for helpful aide, pushing aside everything else aside and trying to easier grasp what he was looking for.

 

"Safe?" Han called out once Luke had looped back. He stood against the wall of the Falcon, watching with unease at the way he moved.

Luke looked back, nodding. "Think so!"

He sensed nothing. Only Han right there and Rey warming up the controls. The frost crunched under his feet with every shift. Aside from the engine's low roar it was quiet. Luke nodded his direction again, waiting until he was already on his way back into the ship before then turning back to watch into the trees one last time.

 

The only warning he had was that of the sound of lightsaber activation. Movement like shadows. The shadow solidified, a hand gripping his shoulder, and a body in front of him. Luke's own hand was moving quickly to his own saber but it felt like slow motion in a world where everything else was fast as ever.

 

Then fire. _Burning_ pain. Pain he recognized on a smaller scale. Luke knew his mouth was open but whatever noise or yell had formed lost it's momentum before it climbed past his throat. Blindly, he grabbed at whatever was in front of him. He received a fistful of material and cloak.

 

"Don't be afraid. It's over fast."

 

Kylo. Luke's footing broke and he stumbled forward, gasping at the jolt in the burning sensation that spread through his chest. The man's face was seemingly hard set, skin tinted red where some blood remained. But his eyes read curious. Like he'd never seen someone this close up like this. Maybe that was true; maybe he'd never successfully stabbed a Jedi.

 

"We weren't both getting away alive." Kylo dug the blade in deeper, startling a cry out of Luke. His voice was shaking with anticipation, mouth twitching back and forth from what was a smile trying to contain itself. He was so young and inexperienced. _How had he hidden himself so thoroughly from Luke?_

 

A blast shot and shout from the ship drew the scene to an abrupt, shattering stop. Kylo thought his last words at him- _I've been waiting for this. Complete Jedi extinction. I've been waiting for a long time. _

 

"Kid!"

 

Kylo's attention reverted back to Han. He ripped the blade out, deactivating it and letting Luke fall to the ground with another choked cry. Darkly stepping back, he held up a hand and let the blasts bounce away. A wrist snap to the side and Han was pulled roughly onto the ground. His head snapped against the frost; bitter blood exploding into his mouth. Kylo wiped at his own bloody face again, looking at Luke- on the ground and in shock- and finally turned and sprinted into the trees again. He had distance to cover to get back to his ship.

 

Han recovered once he was already gone, feeling the sharpness of the pain already fading into blunt numbness as soon as he stumbled to his feet again. _Luke_.

 

"Luke!" he bolted over to him, dropping and skidding to his knees once he was close. "Luke?!" He gripped him by the shoulders and hoisted him up onto his knees. Somewhat regretfully at the pained grunt Luke failed to muffle. His face was a twist of pain and questioning. Still trying to figure out what had just happened.

 

"You're bleeding." he commented, once his eyes tore away from the ground and the air between them. Blue eyes of which were glassy.

 

Han startledly laughed. " _I'm_ bleeding? You should see yourself."

 

He scrambled in his pocket until his fingertips bumped against the comlink.

 

"Rey, get- some semblance of a medcenter going right now." his voice caught him off guard with its shaking, similar to how his hand barely held the metal in his hand. "I'm going to need your help with this."

 

He tossed it into the ground, putting his hand back on Luke's shoulder. "Come on, we need to get you back to the ship."

 

Moving him resulted in another noise of raw pain. Han hesitated, eyes holding on his face. It wasn't registering. It _wouldn't_.

 

"Luke, buddy, in order to save your skin, we've got to move."

 

Luke's hand again found grip, touching and digging into Han's arm like it was his lifeline. "Not to be dramatic, but I don't think I'm going anywhere." Deep breath. "I never saw him coming. Why didn't I see him coming?"

 

His face twanged with another sudden bout of pain, Han feeling his fingers dig into his skin further.

 

"No, you have my blessing to be just as dramatic as you used to be. Just- hey, hey eyes on me." Han moved one of his hands against his face, whacking him as lightly as possible to regain his attention.

 

Rey's voice crackled over the com several feet away, but it was like it was in another system. In one ear and out the other.

 

"Sorry." His breathing was loud, face reading like he was still mostly in his head. "I don't know why I didn't feel him. The odds-"

 

"Luke, when in all the time you've known me have I cared about the odds of anything?" Han lost track of the moment for a second, staring at him with a smile that almost wasn't shaking. "But _the odds are once_ we're on that ship and you're stable not even Leia will be able to chew you out as intensely as I will."

 

That got a shallow laugh out of Luke, genuinely brightening his face for just a second. It was a content ten seconds. Ten seconds ended when Luke's laugh turned to a cough, and the inside of his mouth was awash with red. Han's face dropped.

 

"Jesus." he then yelled over Luke's shoulder, "Rey! Hurry up!"

 

Luke dragged his attention back when he almost collapsed again. Han caught him, wincing at the panicked noise he received as well.

 

"Come on, hang in there." Han looked over him in frantic haze, trying to think of something. _Anything_. Maybe he could pick him up and get him to the Falcon in one piece. "Luke, eyes open and on me. Luke!"

 

He looked practically white. Blood from the inside of his mouth filled in the cracks in his lips.

 

"Han, I'm- it's..."

 

"Whatever you're trying to say, stop. You're draining yourself."

 

Han tried to get a better look at his injury. There wasn't blood- he knew there wouldn't be, he'd been around lightsaber injuries before to know they cauterized almost instantly- but he would have no idea what level of high severity it was until they were on the ship. What had been damaged and if he'd at least be able to get him home to see Leia. _Leia, Gods. She’s going to lose her mind._

 

"Stop closing your eyes, kid." Han jolted him, coming off as angry rather than concerned. Maybe both at once. "Hey- c'mon, every other time we've been in a life or death situation we've gotten each other out of it. Hoth? Death Star? The time Leia and you pulled me out of Jabba's palace so I could accidentally kill a notorious bounty hunter while _blind_?"

 

Luke's laugh was airy and weak. It was shorter than ten seconds. Rey shouted something from the ship before it was immediately lost to the wind. Nothing else existed outside of that square of ground they were knelt on.

 

The air of death shattered; someone fired a blaster. Han ducked down and pressed Luke down as well.

 

"Sorry, sorry." he mumbled mostly to himself at Luke’s yelp of pain, looking around for the source of the blast.

 

It wasn't hard to spot the shiny white metallic against the darkness of the trees. Part of Kylo's squadron undoubtedly. Only then did Han registrar Rey yelling for him to get onto the ship in between shooting back at the advancing troopers.

 

Han exhaled, looking back at Luke. He was slightly shaking at the effort it took to keep himself alert. It was a risk to hoist him and run him the distance.

 

"This is going to hurt." he warned, hooking his arms under his and pulling him up.

 

Luke bit into the inside of his cheek, further wincing at the taste of more blood. It finally felt cold in the air, which maybe should've been another sign that he didn't have as much time as he needed. In the moment it took him to gain some balance, Han whipped out his blaster and fired several times in session, managing to hit a few.

 

As fast as they could move, Han dragged them towards the ship. It looked like suicide, hardly even running through an opening barren of any cover. Except by the time they hit the ramp, nothing had even scraped them. Blasts continued to bounce off invisible walls around them. Han glanced down and noticed Luke's face bent in concentration, hand moving minutely every few seconds. _Even when he’s dying this kid is saving my skin_.

 

"Rey get us out of here!" Han yelled, voice echoing like nails through the ship once they were up and the ramp was shut behind them.

 

He had time to watch her sprint by towards the controls, before Luke's knees buckled and he collapsed onto the floor. Han's stomach seemed to drop with him. He got down in front of him, helping him lean against the wall. Luke’s eyes were closed, which immediately sent Han into something panicked.

 

“Stop that.” he mumbled half to himself and half to Luke. This was worse than he’d ever seen him before and he was terrified because of it.

 

Luke’s eyes didn’t look right when he opened them; halfway between here and somewhere else, it didn’t even feel like he was looking at Han when he spoke. “Sorry.”

 

“And stop acting like you’re going somewhere, we need you too damn much. _I_ need you.”

 

Han froze in his frantic movements to say that, holding his gaze with such painful desperation that if it worked like he wanted it to, Luke would have no choice but to be totally fine again. If he could just make it that goddamn easy.

 

Luke smiled, albeit devoid of anything that made it recognizable as _his_ smile. He could feel where Han held him, numbing like the throb in his chest. But no matter how numb, the feeling of Han physically there was really there. That was comfort. Probably the best one could’ve asked for under such circumstances.

 

“-for everything.”

 

Han frowned, wondering if Luke had just dropped to mumbling or if Han himself was starting to blank out from the anxiety. Trying to wonder while he was again trying to get the focus back on him. Distract the inevitable. Of course he could do that. “What?”

 

Luke’s glassy eyes finally broke apart with some tears. Maybe he’d been crying for a while, time felt like it was throwing Han against two walls back and forth and back and forth. Someone could’ve told him they’d remained in the clearing the entire time and he very well would’ve believed it.

 

He felt one of Luke’s hands grip what he supposed was tightly at his arm. Like it was the only thing. His voice was barely a croak of a whisper. “Thank you.”

 

Han felt Luke let go. In a frantic moment he grabbed his hand back. Gripping it until it hurt and his knuckles were whiter than Luke was. _Luke_. Han’s entire body and mind went rigid as it struggled to comprehend. Impossible.

 

“Kid- _Kid_ no-” Han tried to do something. Think something. But he was blank. Utterly, disgustingly blank. Until then an ugly sob started ripping at his throat, dragging like broken glass and refusing to come out. He put the back of his other hand against his face, shaking like a leaf. Luke’s eyes were unfocused at nothing. Staring at the dead air. Dead air. Dead.

 

Han put his head down, praying like mad he could just fold in on himself. This couldn’t possibly be real. Not dead, not like this.

 

The ship around them suddenly started shaking, groaning under the weight of light speed. Han couldn’t manage a whisper, much less a yell at Rey to just stop. He wanted everything stopped. The universe needed to come to a halt because Luke was gone and there was no conceivable way things could just keep going with that reality. It was a supernova that broke apart in his throat, drowned out by the noises of the ship and of space. Han couldn’t bring his head up, couldn’t breathe until they stopped.

 

And even then the ship groaned and groaned. Sounded like it was sobbing too. Even the Falcon mourned.

 

Footsteps soon padded harsh against the floor. Han winced his eyes shut tighter, regaining just a small few moments of control once he realized how loud he was. He looked up, hands still shaking with grip and with denial. Rey skidded to a stop, breathing heavy from the adrenaline of their escape. Didn’t understand the scene in front of her. Not right away. She’d set up probably the quickest medcenter ever assembled, they should’ve logically at least made it that far. Then it clicked.

 

Rey looked from Luke to her father, a similar pit in her stomach suddenly knocking the wind out of her. She hadn't realised he'd been... all she'd gathered was that he'd been hurt, but not that he'd been hurt to the extent of fatal. Saying nothing, she knelt next to Han and hooked her arm through his. The contact was another snap back into reality.

 

"I'm sorry." Rey's voice was soft and quiet, like speaking was foreignly bizarre at a moment like this. It wasn't like she hadn't been around death before- growing up mostly on Jakku helped numb it, regardless of if numbing it was right or not to begin with- but it had never been this close to home before. It was always someone else’s family.

 

Han barely acknowledged her, a slight nod all he could do. _I'm going to come back with at least one of them_ , he'd said. This wasn't coming back with anyone at all.

 

"I'm going to get us back." Rey said, making a strained effort to not look at Luke. "We're almost there anyway, it won't be long."

 

Again without responding. Rey almost held him, but, home. They were in the middle of space, this wasn't a place to mourn. They needed to be safe themselves. Otherwise this would’ve been for nothing.

 

Rey made herself stand and walk back to the controls. Everything felt slower. She wanted the gears of the ship to be louder or something; she didn't want to hear the broken noises coming back from the other end of the ship. Setting them on a fast course for home, Rey managed to establish a connection with the station within a matter of hours.

 

"Solo, Rey. Coming in main hanger."

 

The person on the other end had a voice she recognised, and he as well knew her.

 

"You're cleared."

 

"Can we get a medcenter on standby? Something-" her voice dropped. "we- we've got a body."

 

Saying it solidified it. Luke was dead.

 

"I'll get people on the ground waiting for you." he responded without a hitch. Of course he wouldn't be shocked because people were dying all the time. Why ever think the last Jedi would fall? "Anything else and estimated landing time?"

 

"Probably five minutes." Rey gritted her teeth. She was flying a body and an inconsolable in. Rather likely a lot would go down once everyone realized such. "See if Poe and Finn are there. Have them waiting too."

 

"Will do."

 

Connection cut. Rey steadied her hands, swallowing. Everyone was going to lose it. Last fully trained Jedi dead. Best pilot a grieving mess- still crying, still unbearably audible. Leia; her mom wasn't going to take this. She herself was having a hard time taking it. She needed to land and get in good company _now_.

 

The planet's details finally came into view as she continued to descend. Rey could distinguish the lakes and the trees, moving the ship even lower towards the surface. Then she caught eye of the base. A gray building, low to the ground considering the size and scope, but wide enough to make up for it. It was barely evening there. The sunset was a low blue light over the surface of the planet and setting everything in a darker mood than was really there. Rey made herself focus on that instead, kicking her piloting into the back of her mind. Calm, breathe. She could do this, _they_ could do this.

 

It was a smooth landing into the hanger, the tallest part of the base. Several other ships were inside, though the X Wings and other combat ships usually were on the landings strips outside. The hanger felt colder than space had. Rey exhaled, shutting the ship down and staring out the viewport. People were standing around near the entrances like some typically did, but she recognized her mother almost immediately. Rushing out past them, a thin mask of discomfort hiding the panic. Rey took another breath like she was about to forget how.

 

She knew how it was going to feel. She also knew she could never be prepared for having to face it.

 

Rey stood up and walked back towards where she’d left Han. And he was exactly where he’d been left. Sitting in front of Luke, less crying but that made it no easier to see. It hit Rey again. _Dead_.

 

Before opening the ramp for those waiting, she knelt next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her. His mouth had some blood around it that she never had noticed before. Rey smiled sadly, properly reaching around and hugging him tightly. Han froze up a little. It was like he was on permanent delayed reaction. But Rey quickly felt him hold her just as tightly, if not tighter. _You still have her_ , he realized, realizing that the situation they escaped could’ve been deadlier. He couldn’t handle things as it was, that in of itself would’ve been sanity-breaking.

 

They had to come back when someone knocked against the ship. Han exhaled. He felt drained; could lay down and be fine becoming comatose. Rey helped him to his feet, the emptiness in her stomach rattling her again. Waiting for the ramp to drop again, she looked back at Luke. His eyes had been closed and was still up against the wall. Like sleep. Rey clung around her father’s arm again, reality rearing up to hit her.

 

Once the ramp was down, Rey pulled him along quickly. She felt like the longer she denied the inevitable, the easier it would be. It wouldn’t be.

 

Sure enough, Leia was the first one up to them. There were tears in her eyes. Rey caught her in a hug, a strange choked laugh coming out of her. It didn’t add up right, though. No one had told her what had happened. Why was she acting like she did?

 

Once Leia let her go, smiling with relief, Rey pushed her onto Han. She missed the small team of men and two droids go up into the ship; Rey watched them move up with a gnawing pain growing in her chest.

 

"Rey!"

 

Finn's voice. She jumped to alert, towards the entrance. He and Poe were heading in, looking like they were ripped out of the middle of sleeping. Suddenly it was all forgotten. Like Luke wasn't dead, everything hadn't just become a giant mess. There was clarity in her friends. She ran over to them, jumping into a bear hug and banging their heads all together in the process. She was smiling and laughing too hard.

 

"You're bleeding." Leia commented back near the ship, framing Han's face to look at him. "What happened?"

 

He shrugged. Like Rey, he had momentarily found clarity. Never let it be said Leia worrying over him like a mother wasn't the saving grace that brought him down to earth every time. "Fell. Had to make a quick getaway. Fun things."

 

Leia shook her head in exasperation, still looking him over. "Well Rey seems fine, how'd it all go?"

 

Clarity cracked. Han tried to keep his voice monotone. "Luke let him get away. Still out there. Sent his troopers after us, that- that was the getaway." He frowned. "You're shaking, what's-?"

 

"I felt something. It had to have been our bond. Luke, did he get hurt?"

 

Clarity broken. "Yeah." Her face registered that a fear had been confirmed, and, Gods, she had no idea. If she'd felt the moment he'd been stabbed how could she not feel the death?

 

"Is he still in the ship, how bad?"

 

He kept a hand on her as she went to look, ready for it. People were in the ship, helping load him onto something. Them laying so much as a hand on him made Han's blood start to boil for no logical reason. No one should've been touching him.

 

Rey's laughing had since turned into crying- very suddenly, too, and had honestly scared the hell out of the two boys- and who were now holding her sandwiched between them. "He's dead." she mumbled, reality having thrown yet another punch into the side of her skull. "He just- _died_ on the ship. Maybe if I'd helped more to get him onto it faster he wouldn't be but-"

 

Finn's stomach pulled as well. He looked up at Poe, of whom honestly knew Luke the least out of the three of them, and caught the same paled look overcome him. Dead. People were starting to crowd over, wondering what the commotion was about. They started moving Rey towards the wall, shielding her with their bodies.

 

Leia got into the ship, craning her neck in concern and confusion. There were two droids speaking out stats in a language she wasn’t picking up on right away. Luke had been set on what was basically a clear medcenter bed. Much like sleep, just paler than she’d seen him since Hoth and too many things that she was trying to ignore. He was unconscious. That was all.

 

“Luke?” Leia pushed the men aside, eyes darting everywhere. “Is he okay-?”

 

Then the wound in his chest seemed to jump out at her in searing detail. Impossible. She got up beside him- much to the men’s and Han’s protests- and put her hand against the side of his face. Like ice. And like a twitch she pulled back, reeling. Impossible.

 

“Wake up.” she demanded. Her chest rose and fell with large, panicked breaths. “Luke- wake-” she put her hands on him again, on his shoulder and the side of his cold face. “Wake the hell up right now. Luke!”

 

Han took her arm and she fell back into him. Her hands were over her mouth and she kept shaking her head _no_. Impossible. Han wrapped his arms around her stomach and held her tighter, started to tear up all over again himself.

 

“I didn’t realize-” Leia’s voice broke off. Her nails were digging into Han like they were trying to break through him. “I _felt_ it. He was- he was hurt and I could feel it and I didn’t know why it’d stopped but- Gods, Luke.”

 

She kept crying, not as horrifyingly raw and uncontrolled as Han had been but just as grief-stricken. It was just as enough to stop everything in it’s tracks. Eventually Han gave the men a nod to move Luke because a significant crowd had formed in the hanger, all staring in a mix of horror and sadness at the scene laid out. Death.

 

Leia and him sat in the ship together. For hours, once it was past dark and everyone had long since left (including Rey, Finn, and Poe. They were able to console her back in their rooms after some time had passed). It left the hanger closed for the night and the only sound being the lights of the Falcon flickering.

 

“I could feel him.” Leia said for what had to be the hundredth time. “I...I should’ve known when it’d stopped. Ever since we’d gotten the bond to such strength we’d been able to feel each other’s pain and at that magnitude it shouldn’t have just _stopped_.”

 

She pulled her legs in closer to her body, and suddenly this felt too young. Felt too much like Alderaan. Felt too much like losing Han that first time. At that thought, Leia realized all the ways this could’ve been worse. To have lost everyone in one moment. Would she have felt all that too? A part of her believed she would’ve. She loved Han with everything she had, and Rey was her _daughter_. She had them. _But why Luke_ ; she choked on the words. Why her brother?

 

“What happened?” she asked, quietly. They still sounded loud in the silence.

 

Han had since cried again as well. Both their eyes were red and puffy, and if you had told anyone that these were supposed to be leading this base, no one would’ve believed it. “I’m sorry,” he ran his hands over his face. “I kept just _sitting_ there and I didn’t mean to leave him alone. Leia I swear I-”

 

“I’m not blaming you. This wasn’t you.” Leia looked up at him, wise kindness washing through them. She held his hand tightly, exhaling again. “Who, though?”

 

The silence seemed to speak the name they never spoke. Even before now, it remained a toxin to remember. They’d only said it through sad glances and tender touches at the news that came in. Never saying either name their child had been given. Out of protest of the idea that he was forever the masked killer, out of hope they could bring him back. But in silent fear their son would never come back at the same time.

 

Han exhaled. “When I turned back around he...Luke was already a goner.” It felt like a crush to his lungs to say it. But could he have ever saved him, ever conceivably gotten him back alive? “Ren stabbed him right through.”

 

Leia looked up at him. Eyes and face unreadable. Like she was waiting for confirmation that she’d heard him. Like, _are you saying it? Right now, do you believe he’s beyond hope?_ He did.

 

“It was Kylo.” Han said, unflinching his gaze from her’s.

 

They both understood the weight of those words. The choice they were making. Throughout the past years they’d been so buried in denial they’d all but drowned in it. Even when Luke tried to talk the logical reality back into them, it would never settle. Not until now. The final straw, the definite line in the sand. Kylo was no longer theirs and never would be again.

 

Their son had died the moment he’d stabbed Luke. _Your son is as good as dead, all there is now is Kylo Ren_. Han and Leia knew he’d been right. They knew they could make it right for him now.


End file.
